


Jolene

by MissjuliaMiriam



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Angst, Dating, Established Relationship, F/M, Happy Ending, Infidelity, M/M, Multi, Secrets, Suicide, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-05-27
Packaged: 2017-12-13 03:38:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/819522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissjuliaMiriam/pseuds/MissjuliaMiriam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love is a complicated creature.</p><p>or</p><p>A JayTimSteph fic inspired by the song Jolene, by Dolly Parton, with all the angst that that implies, and more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jolene

**Author's Note:**

> Urgh. This is probably terrible, but it's taken so long for me to write it, and it's fought me so much, that I don't even care any more. It's also super angsty. Sorry. Enjoy!

_You could have your choice of men_   
_But I could never love again_   
_He's the only one for me, Jolene_   
  
_I had to have this talk with you_   
_My happiness depends on you_   
_And whatever you decide to do, Jolene_

\--

“Jason?”

Jason glances up from the newspaper, then smiles at Tim. “Hey, babe. 'Sup?”

“I- uh. Are you doing anything at lunch today?”

Jason shakes his head, tilting his head curiously. Tim looks uncomfortable, his arms wrapped around himself. It's a warm morning, and even though Tim is wearing nothing but one of Jason's shirts, hanging loose around his smaller body, he shouldn't be cold. So he's afraid, and comforting himself in the way that he used to do so often back when they first met.

“I made a date.”

“Okay,” says Jason, a little confused. “What's wrong, Tim?”

Tim shakes his head, and sits down in a chair at their table. He looks at the wood, his elbows braced on the flat surface. “I invited Steph.”

“Ah.” Tim had dated Steph before he knew Jason. He'd talked about her before, but just like a lot of his life, Jason had been kept well away from her. He doesn't even know what she looks like.

“Is that a problem?”

“Of course not, baby,” Jason says, and puts the newspaper down to grab one of Tim's hands and pull it down so that their fingers are laced together on the table. “That was just me suddenly understanding why you were so nervous. Don't worry, I'm sure we'll get along just fine.”

Tim smiles at Jason. “Yeah.”

That's how it starts.

 

Tim lights up when they get to the little restaurant where he had set up to meet Steph. Jason scans the tables, following Tim's line of site, and settles his eyes on a blonde woman sitting alone near the middle of the room. He blinks, then, because she's stunning. Golden hair and clear blue eyes, a bright, wide, white smile, and clear, tanned skin. An absolute beauty, and when she stands to embrace Tim (Tim hugs her first, another surprise), it's clear that she has a body to match her face.

“You must be Jason,” she says to him, in a cheerful voice.

He smiles at her, trying to drag the flirtatiousness out of it. It doesn't really work, he thinks, because Tim frowns a little in his peripheral vision. “That I am,” he says. “And you must be Steph. Tim talks about you, sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?” She laughs, loud and pretty. “Rude, Timmy.”

He gives her another smile, smaller than the one that had appeared when he first spotted her. “You know full well why I don't like to talk about before.”

She nods. “Yeah, I know. Come on, let's sit down. I'm starving.”

They sit down, and they talk. They talk for at least two hours, about everything. Tim is a little quiet, but he always is, so Jason and Steph make up most of the conversation. They talk about their lives, both in the context of Tim, and before (and, in the case of Steph, after) him. Tim occasionally pipes up with some anecdote of his time with Steph, or with Jason, but he says nothing about who he was before the both of them, and he says nothing about the time in between. That's normal. Jason has gotten used to Tim's silence in the year-and-change that they have been together, and has long since learned not to press. He still remembers a question about fathers that had lead to him coming home to find Tim curled on the floor of the kitchen, hyperventilating and still clutching his phone. He never asked again. Not about family, about fathers, about any of it. He decided to let Tim tell him in his own time; if that time was never, then that was perfectly okay.

Steph seemed to know at least some of it, because sometimes she would look at Tim and then edit her next sentence. He seemed grateful, and it made Jason glad. She was a good friend to Tim, and that meant something to him.

The lunch went well, and when they left, Tim was smiling at least a little. He seem happy, and Jason wrapped an arm around his shoulders as they returned to their car, memories of the stories Steph told running through his head.

 

Stephanie gets stuck in Jason's head. He doesn't know why, really, it's not like he's unhappy with Tim, but he just... can't stop thinking about her. She was beautiful, amazing, and more than that, she had a connection to Tim. Without even thinking about it, he finds himself stealing her number from Tim's phone while Tim is out one day, and shooting her a text, asking her to meet. She seems a bit hesitant at first, but he explains that he just wants to hear more stories of Tim, and she accepts.

Jason doesn't tell her that he also just kind of wants to see her again.

 

Tim's not stupid. He knows that Jason has Steph's number, because she told him that they'd been talking. Jason had told her that Tim had given it to him, and Tim decides to let her think that. It bothers him, though, that Jason would lie to him like that. That he would sneak around to see her, for whatever reason.

Steph won't tell him why they're meeting. It makes something curl up inside Tim and start to weep, because _no, Steph, not you, not him, not now_. Things were getting better, Tim thought, but Jason is lying to him and Steph is being evasive, and he just doesn't know what to think.

If it had been _before,_ Tim would have gone to talk to Dick. But things are still... complicated, with Dick, and with Bruce, and Tim can't just show up. So instead he sits alone and wonders what's happening. He doesn't want to think the worst, and Steph says they're just meeting for coffee once in a while, to talk, but she refuses to say what they're talking _about_ , and Tim's mind is whirling with possibilities. He wants to believe that Steph would never abandon him like that, not with what she knows, but Jason... Jason is different. Yes, he says he loves Tim, and Tim believes him. But what if Tim isn't enough, just like he hadn't been enough every other time? Steph is so good, so whole and pretty and full of life, and how hard would it really be for Jason to forget about quiet, fearful Tim when he could have all of that instead?

 

Weeks pass. On the surface, things are the same, but Jason doesn't touch Tim the same way any more. He's nervous, almost, withdrawn. And more and more often Tim finds himself curled on his side, back-to-back with Jason in the light, listening to his lover murmur the name of one of his best friends.

Tim doesn't know what Jason is dreaming about, really, but thoughts of what Jason could be wanting drive him crazy. Sometimes he cries, and he doesn't sleep very much.

When he does, he dreams of begging Jason to stay. He dreams that Jason laughs in his face, and he and Steph walk away. No matter how quickly Tim runs after them, he can't catch up; he's not strong enough.

 

Tim gets home early one afternoon. Usually he works a full day, but he feels ill and takes the afternoon off. His reputation can't afford him getting caught throwing up in one of the bathrooms at the Tower.

He expects Jason to be home. He only work four days a week, and usually takes Wednesdays off. But he isn't home. Tim thinks about calling him, asking him where he is, and then realizes: Steph. He's probably with Steph. Out in the city somewhere, having lunch while Tim is busy working, and enjoying themselves without him. Of course. Of course.

When Jason gets home, Tim is curled up in their bed, wrapped around Jason's pillow. He's asleep, but he's tossing and turning, feverish and dreaming of horrors unknown. Jason tucks him in, and remembers days when Tim would have called him immediately if he went home early, especially if he was feeling sick. Jason wonders what changed, when Tim grew so distant, so sad all the time. He hadn't even noticed.

 

"Hey, Steph."

She beams up at him from their table. She looks happy to see him, but she's paler than usual, and her smile doesn't light her eyes like it usually does. "Jay, hi. Sit down, please."

He does so, pulling out a chair and sitting across from her. He leans forward, pressing his elbows into the tabletop. "How are you?"

"I'm good," she says. "I- uh. There was actually a specific thing I wanted to talk to you about today? I think that it's time that you knew, and Tim's never going to tell you..."

Jason knows immediately that this is about Tim's past, the shadowed in-betweens of the stories that he's already been told. "Thank you for trusting me with this," he says. "But maybe not here?"

She smiles at him again, and this time it's proper. "Let's go back to my place. I'll tell you everything, and then we'll- Well, we'll see, won't we? I don't know how you're going to react, and-"

"Babbling," Jason warns, laughter in his voice. He gets the feeling that he's going to be very distinctly unhappy in the near future, and chooses to savour the warmth he's feeling now, basking in Stephanie's company.

"Sorry," she says, and then stands. She throws a five down on the table for the waiter, an apology for wasting his time, and then leads Jason out of the restaurant. She climbs into her car, and he follows her through the city on his bike. She lives in a nice part of town, it turns out, not quite as high-end as the apartment that Tim and Jason live in, but still nice. Middle-class, homey. He parks his bike on the street, just behind her car, and goes with her inside. Steph's apartment is on the second floor of a five-storey building, overlooking a park, and it's furnished with a few pieces of plush furniture in dark colours, and the walls are painted purple. That makes Jason smile, though it evaporates quickly when he sees the grim look on Steph's face.

"This is going to be bad, isn't it?" He asks, and she nods. "How bad?"

"You're going to hate them," she says. "And yourself, because you weren't there for him, and you couldn't save him, even though you weren't there at the time. You didn't even know him, and you're going to hate yourself for not being there. Tim's story is kind of a horror story, Jason, and it's the kind of thing that shouldn't happen in our world. It shouldn't happen in any world, to anyone, and it's so _fucking_ wrong that a pretty rich boy from a big city had to live it."

Jason blinks at the profanity, because although Steph swears, she doesn't do it lightly. "I'm not ready for this, am I?"

"No," she says, "but I'm going to tell you anyways."

And then she does. She talks about a eight-year-old sitting in a pool of his parents blood for two days, and then about Witness Protection and terror. She talks about Gotham's foster care system, and about its orphanages (Jason about this already, and he would never have wished it on Tim). She talks about herself, and how they met, and how they managed to keep in touch even after Tim was taken to someplace better, and she stayed behind to make her mistakes without him. He came back, she says, but that was a bit later. Too late, for both of them. She talks about Bruce Wayne, then, and Dick Grayson. Perfection, she tells him, was never expected of their boy by anyone but himself, but the idols that he was comparing himself too were absurd. It was the only time in the world that having a shining beacon as an older brother could possibly be a bad thing. She talks about how things were almost better, because Dick and Bruce kind of got their shit together eventually, but then things changed. Damian, she tells him, was the beginning of the end. He brought a sense of not being good enough, and more than that, he brought his grandfather.

Steph talks about Ra's al Ghul. She talks about how he had known Bruce as a business partner, and briefly as his daughter's lover, but that that had been years before Tim. She talks about how the man is sick, right down to his soul. And she talks about how al Ghul took Tim right from under Bruce's nose, and broke him right down to his composite parts, and then put him back together into a manner that was pleasing to him. She talks about Tim being told that no one was looking for him, even though they were. She talks about Tim being taught to have no self-worth, and no desire to live. She talks about how long it usually takes to break a person's spirit in that way, and tells Jason that Tim was with al Ghul for only a few short years.

Steph talks about the night that Tim overheard an argument between Bruce and Dick after it was all over. How they had said that he was broken, and that maybe he couldn't be fixed. How he had called her, and told her he loved her, that he always would, even if he didn't deserve her. She talks about how Tim never says "I love you" outright (Jason knows), that he shows it instead. She tells him that usually when Tim says "I love you," it means, "You are my everything, and I need to know that you feel the same." (Jason knows that, too.) Then she tells him that sometimes Tim says "I love you" and he means something else, he means, "I didn't do this to hurt you, please don't be angry, please don't leave me," or "I need you to know this in case this is my last chance to tell you,” or both. She tells Jason that on that night, it was that other, awful thing. She tells him about driving to Tim's apartment, about finding Tim curled up on his bathroom floor, shaking, choking on his own breath. That he had grabbed a bottle of painkillers and taken all of them.

She stops, then. Steph stops talking, and looks at Jason. "Did you save his life?" he asks.

"No," she says. "You did. I- I made him throw up, and then I called 911. I was so afraid that I was going to be too late, but I wasn't. When he woke up, he wasn't the same. He was so tired, then, Jason. He didn't want to see any of us, especially me. Bruce shouted at him, asked him what he was thinking, and it was the wrong thing to do. He had thought that this was what we wanted, you know? That we would be better off without him. He didn't understand that we love him."

"What then?" Jason asks, though he thinks that he knows. With the time line being what it was, that couldn't have been too long before Jason met Tim.

"Tim forgave me pretty quickly, and I helped him to get back on his feet. Bruce and Dick... they didn't handle any of it very well, I think, and Damian only made things worse, so they just kind of went away. They left his life. I don't think they should have let it happen, but it doesn't really matter now. Then," she smiles, wan. There are tears on her face, from earlier. Telling this to Jason had been hard on both of them. "Then he met you. He kind of shut me out, once you started to get to know each other, because he didn't want you to know about any of this, even his relationship with me. He wanted to be everything he could for you, and to him that meant starting with a blank slate. He didn't want to... taint his relationship with you, or something. Who knows."

Jason smiled. "He was so quiet when I met him. Still is, really." He looks up at Steph, and his smile fades. "That is all fucking ridiculous, and unfair, and I'm pissed off."

She nods, and he continues. "Let's get hammered."

She nods again, her eyes wide, and then springs up to go find alcohol. She comes back with a half a bottle of vodka and a few glasses, and a carton of orange juice under her arm. "I can't drink this shit straight," she explains. "It tastes like nail polish remover."

"To each their own," Jason says, and shrugs, then grabs the vodka from her and takes a swig right out of the bottle. He coughs, eyes watering, and then says, "This is awful. Let's drink all of it."

They do. It's the middle of the day, but neither of them can find it within themselves to give a shit, and they quite happily get completely hammered, trying to forget about the horrors that their boy has lived through. It doesn't quite work, and by the time the bottle is empty Jason is sprawled on the couch, his head propped on this arm, with Steph lying on his chest. "This sucks so much," she says. "Why did we do this, I just feel like shit now."

"I don't," Jason sighs. "I'm still fuckin' angry, but I'm always angry, it's like my..." He waves a hand vaguely, "life. When my life isn't Tim, it's being angry. So, I'm good."

"Well," she says, "I am unhappy. Like, a lot. So, next time, don't let me drink this much. This sucks."

"You said that already," he points out. "Sorry. Whatever."

Steph props her chin of Jason's collarbone, peering at him. He looks back, and then says, "It's really bad how much I want to kiss you, isn't it? Because, Tim. And shit."

"Yeah," she says. "Me too. You should go, before we do something stupid?"

"And go where?" Jason snorts. "Can't go home, because Tim. Again. I'd find a bar, 'cause I'd fit in, but I'm drunk already and I don't want to poison myself. That would suck, and also be very ironic."

"Oh my god," she says, and then buries her face in his shoulder. "Don't say that. No."

"Sorry," he says, and they are quiet for a while.

When they stop being quiet, the light has changed, and Jason realizes that they fell asleep somewhere around six o'clock, and now the sun is just rising, bathing the room in pale light. Steph is stirring as well, still sprawled on his chest, and he thinks, _Shit_.

He waits until Steph wakes up, and then they eat toast with gross amounts of butter, and then he drives home even though he has a blinding headache. It's early enough that there is almost no one on the road, though.

Jason stumbles into his apartment and shrugs off his coat, and turns into the kitchen to get a glass of water before he falls back into bed for a few hours. Tim is sitting at the table, and Jason stops. They stare at each other for a long moment, while Jason registers the fact that Tim is wearing a suit, the same one he had walked out of the door in yesterday morning, and that there are dark bruises under his eyes.

"You didn't have to wait up," he says, awkward.

"I know," Tim replies, quietly. "I wanted to." He gets up from the table and comes to stand in front of Jason, hovering, anxiety clear in his posture and in the way his hands twitch forward. In the end, it is Jason that reaches out to pull Tim into a hug, and Tim's arm wrap around him, clutching him tight.

Tim doesn't say anything, but Jason thinks that maybe this was about a little bit more than Jason having a late night. He thinks that maybe this is about a boy who's parents were supposed to come say goodnight, and never made it.

“Sorry,” Jason says. “I'll call next time.”

“It's okay.” Tim pulls away, and rubs a hand over his face. “You smell like alcohol.” It's not really a question, but Jason feels compelled to answer anyways.

“Yeah. Just... had a hard night. Er, I was going to come home, but... I know you don't like it when I drink.”

Tim sighs. “It's okay. I-” He stops. Jason thinks that maybe he wants to ask where he was last night, but Tim doesn't. Instead, he says, “I should shower, and change. I have an early meeting.”

“You have a few hours,” Jason points out. “You should get some sleep, baby.”

Tim flinches a little at the nickname, and Jason frowns. “It's okay,” Tim says, again. There's another moment where Jason thinks Tim is going to say something, but he doesn't again. He feels strange about it, and dread nestles into his stomach.

Tim turns around, then, pulling away from Jason and going into the bathroom. Normally, Jason would follow him, but he feels guilty and wrong, and he doesn't want to put hands on Tim that had been on Steph less than an hour ago. It wasn't like that of course, but it still feels like something he shouldn't do. So, Jason drinks a glass of water and goes and sits on the couch, his head in his hands, until he hears Tim leave the bathroom and go into the bedroom. Soon after that, Tim comes out, his hair still damp and a clean suit wrapped around the lines of his body.

“Hey,” Jason says, and Tim smiles at him. It's a sad smile, small in the way most of Tim's smiles are, but also desolate and distant.

“I'm going to work,” Tim says, and goes to put on his shoes. His briefcase is still full, placed by the door. “I'll see you later.”

“Oh,” Jason says, because it's still something like 4 am, and he's hungover, and Tim is leaving. “Um, yeah. Have a good day.” He doesn't add a pet name, like he might have normally.

Tim finishes getting ready to leave, and right before the door closes behind him, he says, “I love you, Jason.”

The door shuts before Jason can even open his mouth to reply.

 

Things change, then. Jason is ever more withdrawn, and Tim finds himself alone for lunch, and sometimes dinner, as often as four or five days a week. He can't help but feel like Jason is slipping from his fingers, and he doesn't know what to do. He feels... extraneous, unneeded in the lives of the people that he needs to much. The truth is that Jason and Steph are all he has, and that's why he is so surprised to receive a summons to Bruce's office in the middle of a Wednesday.

“Did you need something, Mr. Wayne?” he asks, when he steps into the bright office on the top floor of the tower.

“Not really,” Bruce responds, lacing his fingers together in front of his face. “In fact, you've been working exceptionally well over the past few weeks- abnormally well. I'm concerned, Tim.”

“Concerned?” Tim's brows furrow, and he thinks back. With everything that has been going on with Jason, Tim has retreated into his work more and more. He has been working very efficiently, and presented a solution to a major problem plaguing W.E.'s servers just the other day. He doesn't understand why Bruce might have a problem with that.

“About you. You're overworking yourself. Did you go home at all when you were writing that code for the new firewall?”

Tim swallows, something crawling around uncomfortably in his gut. “Yes? Of course.”

“And how many hours did you sleep? How many meals did you eat?”

“I don't know.” Not many, would be the answer to both of those questions. “I don't see why this is a concern. My work has been as high quality as ever, I made sure of that.”

“This isn't about your work, Tim, it's about your health, and your state of mind. You're my son-”

“No, I'm not.”

“Sorry?” Bruce frowns as well, his hands uncurling to lie flat on his desk.

“I haven't been your son for years, Bru- Mr. Wayne. I understand that you might be concerned for my health, but until such a time as it begins to affect my work, you have no right to order me to behave otherwise, or question my choices.” He nods, once, and then turns away, headed for the door of the office.

“Tim. Please.”

Tim just shakes his head, and walks out the door without looking back.

 

Tim has lost weight, Jason thinks. And he's pale, sick-looking, with dark bruises under his eyes. Jason is worried about him, more and more every day, but he doesn't want to push. He does his best to be there for Tim, but conversation between them is awkward, and Jason just doesn't know what to say. Touch has always been something strange between them, never quite easy, because Tim is skittish and sensitive, so he can't really fall back on that either. He doesn't want to drive Tim away once and for all, so instead he tries to give him space, tries to let him sort out what's happening by himself. If he really can't handle whatever it is, he'll bring it to Jason, or so Jason hopes. He thinks that their relationship is at least that strong, no matter its weaknesses.

He finds himself spending a lot of time with Steph, which at once makes him feel better, and feel so much worse. He tells her as much, expresses his desire to be with Tim, and at once how much she gives him a place to get away when Tim is scaring him with his silence, and his blank expressions. She nods, always, and says that she'll be there for him whenever he needs her. Jason thinks that maybe he's a little in love with her, and then feels a flash of self-loathing for thinking it at all. He's in love with Tim, of course, he'll love Tim forever if Tim will have him. He doesn't have any right to think about Steph that way.

That doesn't stop him from flirting with her, from making jokes, telling stories. It doesn't stop him from meeting her at least once a week, sharing meals, going to the occasional movie. It doesn't stop him from seeking her out when he has a day off and Tim hasn't been home in 30 hours. He learns how she takes her coffee, that her favourite colour is purple, that she was a teen mother and chose to give up her daughter, both for the child's sake and her own. He learns that she's still in love with Tim.

They talk about Tim a lot. About his past, about their respective pasts with him, about how much they love him and want him to be happy. About how rare it is that he is truly happy, despite their efforts. Jason tells Steph about how Tim has been recently, and wonders why is he is so withdrawn. She doesn't know.

Jason realizes before Steph does that they're dating, and doesn't know how to feel about it. He's still with Tim, he still loves Tim more than anything, but it's been so hard to be with Tim recently. And so he's dating Steph. He tells her that, and they fight about it. She denies it, but the truth is, she's a little bit in love with him too, and they both know it.

 

Stephanie and Jason date quietly, with proper awareness of what they're doing, for close to three weeks. They don't have sex, don't even kiss, because Jason refuses to take that last step towards betraying Tim, and Steph feels more than a little terrible thinking about it too. Then, one day, her phone rings while she's on her break at work.

“Hello?” she says, answering the phone. It's Tim.

“Steph,” he says. Tim sounds a bit off, but she lets it slide for the moment.

“Hey, Tim!” She grins. “How are you?”

There's no response for a long minute, then he says, “I'm fine. I need to talk to you about something.”

“What's that?” Steph asks, and thinks, oh no. Something is very wrong.

“I- Jason. He.” Tim stops, and clears his throat. “I love him. He's... everything, to me.”

“I know that.” Steph stands, and waves to one of her coworkers in an attempt to signal that she's encountered an emergency, and then walks out the back of the restaurant.

“That's good. I just- you know that saying? The one about how, if you love something, you should let it go?”

Steph nods. “I'm... familiar with it, yeah.”

“I tried.” Tim takes a shaky breath, and there's a soft click in the background. “I tried so hard, Steph, I tried to make it okay. To be okay with it, but- I can't. I couldn't. I thought, if I just let him... go. He would go, and I wouldn't- I could. But he didn't. He stayed.”

“Tim,” Steph says. “Timmy. What are you talking about?”

“Yes,” Tim says, quietly. “You do. You really do, Steph, and now I'm asking you for a favour.”

“Anything,” Steph promises.

“Please don't take him,” Tim says, and swallows. “I know that- I know you can. I know that you want to, maybe, but...”

“Tim, I would never-” Steph doesn't even know what to say, tries to deny it, scrambles for a solution to this situation.

“But you are!” Tim shouts, his voice cracking, high and distressed. “Maybe you don't- you don't want to hurt me, or... But you are. And I can't stop you.”

“I'll stop,” Steph says. “I'll never see him again, if that's what you want.” She doesn't even bother trying to deny it, any more. She feels stupid that she had ever thought that Tim didn't know, and realizes suddenly that this is why Tim has been so distant lately. He knows that Jason is, in effect, cheating on him. With her.

“That's not what I want,” Tim says. “I- I don't know what I want. I want you to stay away, but I love you, and he loves you, and that wouldn't make anyone happy. I just- I need him, Steph. You're amazing, I know, you could have him if you wanted to take him, you could have anyone. But I will never love anyone like I love him. Not ever again, Steph.”

“We'll work it out,” Steph says. “We'll talk to Jason, we'll-”

“No.” Tim's voice is iron for a moment,and then returns to sounding like glass. “Jason- we can't- no. I don't want to bring him into this, not yet. This is about me, and about you, and he... I won't make him choose, Steph.” He doesn't say it, but she hears it anyways: _I won't make him choose because I think he'll choose you._ He continues. “So I need you to choose instead. Or help me choose.”

“Choose what?” Steph says, knowing she sounds like a dunce. But she's missing something, she's not quite getting Tim's meaning.

Tim sighs, and there's a soft rattling in the background, the noise of something small and solid in a hollow container. “If you want him,” Tim says, “if that's what's best, I'll let him go. I'll let you both go, Steph.”

“Tim, he's your boyfriend. He's in love with you. How would it be okay for me to force you to give him up? To make you be alone?”

“I wouldn't be alone, Steph. Not for long, at least.”

Suddenly, Steph realizes what Tim is talking about. What he's been talking about this whole time. “Tim. Where are you.”

There's a long pause. “Steph, I can't do this. I- I need him, and I know that you would be willing to give him up for my sake. But that's not what I want, not really. He's clearly not happy with me any more, and I-”

“Tim, he loves you! God, you can't think...” Panic arcs through her, freezing her to the core. If she'd taken a moment to think, maybe this wouldn't be happening, but she was an idiot, and Jason was an idiot, and she doesn't know what to do.

“He wouldn't be with you if I was enough. If I was good enough. You're better than I am, Steph, better for him, better for everyone. He doesn't need me.”

“He does. Tim, he does, and I do too.”

Water runs, and then shuts off. Tim's phone clacks against a hard surface, and his voice comes back a bit quiet. She thinks he's put her on speakerphone. “I just don't know what to do, Steph,” he admits, sounding broken, young, unsure. “I love him so much.”

“I know you do, Tim. Please talk to him.”

“I can't.”

“You can. Please.” She's begging, now. Begging like he was, when this conversation started.

“I don't want him to go,” Tim whispers. “But it would be easier that way. I could never leave him, but he won't- he won't leave me, either, and I can't do it any more.”

“Tim. Tim, please. Please don't do anything stupid.” Steph realizes, suddenly, that she's walking in the direction of his apartment without having noticed. She's at least fifteen minutes away, though, and she doesn't know if that's enough time.

“I think I know, though. How to fix this. Balance the equation.” Tim takes a shaky breath. “You- you'll be good for each other, Steph. Take care of him, please?”

“Tim, no. You don't- you don't need to take yourself out of the equation, we're nothing without you, I love you, Tim, please!”

There's a long pause, a few minutes at least, and then Tim says, “I love you too, Steph.” His voice is a bit slurred, and then there's a low sliding thump. “Tell Jason I'm sorry, and I love him.”

Then he's silent. Steph starts running.

 

Something is beeping. It's a soft, incessant noise, and when Tim opens his eyes a crack to investigate, bright light infiltrates his soft, comfortable darkness. He moans, quiet as a whisper, and turns his face away.

A hands squeezes his, and he becomes aware that he's not alone, where ever he is. Someone is holding his hand, and by the feeling of fabric pressed along his arm, the person is leaning over it, too. They sit up, in a rustle of cloth, and their warmth pulls away. Tim shivers, suddenly aware that despite the blanket that's weighing him down, he's cold. He shivers, and opens his eyes, blinking at the light.

“Tim?” It's a man's voice, familiar, soft.

“Jason,” Tim croaks, and looks over. It is Jason, clutching tightly at Tim's hand, blinking sleep out of red-rimmed eyes.

“Thank god,” Jason whispers. “Thank god.” He leans down and presses a kiss to Tim's lips, desperately relieved. “Tim, Tim, I love you. Please don't- god, you scared me.”

“Oh,” says Tim, feelings eminently unintelligent. “I'm sorry?”

“Damn right you're sorry,” comes another voice, from the doorway. Tim looks up, and there's Steph, tears on her face. She looks just as exhausted as Jason does, and just as relieved. “This was hard enough the first time.”

“Steph,” says Tim. “I didn't want...”

“Yeah,” she says, “you fucking did. Or you wouldn't have done it. Why would you make me find you like that? Again?”

“I just wanted what was best for you,” Tim says. “For you to be happy.”

“I could never have been happy without you,” Jason says, and kisses Tim again before he can say anything. “Just- just shut the fuck up and listen, okay?”

Tim nods, so Jason continues. “I love you. I love you way too fucking much, more than anything, and if I ever lost you... I don't know what I'd do. Unfortunately, I'm a complete fucking asshole, and I don't know how to fucking handle myself. Instead of being smart, and asking you what was wrong, and loving you like I fucking should have, I cheated on you with your best friend. And I didn't even have the fucking courtesy to sleep with her!”

Tim raises an eyebrow, unable to help himself. Jason snorts, tears welling in his eyes. “I almost killed you, baby. If you had succeeded- that would have been on me, no two ways about it. Steph and I... we were stupid, and we didn't think. We got together because of you, because we both love you, and we almost destroyed you because of it.”

“You're in love with her, though,” Tim says.

“I am,” Jason says. He won't lie to Tim, not now. Not ever again, if he can help it. “And she's in love with me. The thing is, Tim, we're both in love with you. More than we could ever be with each other. It's why we haven't fucked- haven't even kissed.”

“Oh,” Tim says, again. “But...”

“Tim,” says Steph. “We love you. And we want you to be happy. We talked about this while you were... sleeping, and decided that we were willing to do whatever you needed to be happy.”

“I'll be okay,” Tim promises. It comes out sounding like a lie, like he knew it would, but he says it anyways. “I don't want to inconvenience you.”

“You don't inconvenience anyone.” Jason squeezes Tim's hand again. “We love you.”

“I love you too.”

Steph steps forward and places a hand on Jason's shoulder, her expression gentle. She isn't crying any more, but there's still a tear glimmering on her cheek. Tim wants to reach up and wipe it away, but he has no strength. “Then why can't you just let us all find some way to do this?” she asks.

“Because I want the best for both of you,” Tim says, “and I'm not it.”

“You're a fucking idiot.” Jason's tone is utterly matter-of-fact. “Who cares what you think?”

Tim flinches, and Jason hurries on. “Tim, you have to let us make the choice for ourselves. If you love us, then you have to trust us to decide what we want. And right how, what we want is you. I know that you think that we're making the wrong choice-”

“I trust you,” Tim says. “I trust you to make the right choice, and to know what you want. It's just that I don't trust myself to be what you're asking for. You want... me. You want to love me, to make me happy, but I don't know if I know how to be happy, Jason. I've always tried, for you, but some days... some days I think I'm broken.”

“You're not broken,” Steph says. “If you were broken, you wouldn't be able to feel at all. You're just sad, and angry, and sick. You need support, Tim, and as much love as you could possibly handle. We just want to give you that.”

Tim is silent for a long moment, looking first at his hand, enveloped in Jason's, and then Steph's hand on Jason's shoulder. “Okay,” he says, finally. “I still... I don't know how you think this is going to work, though, because... I can't- what was going on wasn't working. And I don't think I can do it, even if we're open about it.”

Jason and Steph exchange a glance. “That wasn't what we were thinking,” Steph says. “We both know how hard this all has been on you, and it's been hard on us, too. We were...” She stops, and sighs. “This is going to sound nuts.”

“I feel a bit nuts right now,” Tim says. “The world is a bit nuts. Just say it.”

“We were thinking that we should close the loop,” says Jason. “Because I'm with you, and she's with me. And... you could be with her, too, and then we'd all be together, and we could both love you, and you could both love me, and me and you could both love her, and it would all work out.”

Tim blinks, and tries to sort that out in his head. “I,” he says, and then stops.

A minute passes, and Tim still doesn't say anything. Jason and Steph start to look concerned. Another minute, and then finally, Tim speaks. “You're insane,” he sighs. “It's a good thing I love you.”

Jason grins, Steph following him just a second after. “Fuck yeah,” he says.

“Fuck yeah,” agrees Steph.

Tim smiles at them both, the first honest smile to cross his face in far too long. “Fuck yeah,” he murmurs, and then Steph leans across him to call a nurse.

**Author's Note:**

> There's a lot that gets left out of this. A lot of kissing, and sleep, and recovery, and talking until tea is stone cold, and shouting, and some blood, and some of Bruce and Dick being assholes, and a lot of time. Maybe I'll write some sort of sequel to this one day. But in itself, this fic is as fully-formed as it'll ever be, which means that you guys don't get to see the fact that these three still have a lot of shit to sort out. It's not going to be as easy as it seems at the end of this fic, not for a while at least. It'll be okay, though! Happy ending! No worries. Thanks for reading.


End file.
